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Blessings are not always found in those things we gained or managed to keep. Sometimes the biggest blessings we are given, come to us through our “perceived” losses. I’ve lost many things I wanted to hold on to forever, things I deemed irreplaceable, things I thought I deserved, things I thought were good for me, things I thought defined me. 

I was understandably flustered, devasted, shattered, discombobulated, lost, scared, confused, emotionally bleeding out! My pain exhausted me, I was drained of my confidence, robbed of my future plans, forced to redo my vision board, (as I had lost sight of my hopes, purpose, God, love, beauty, health, faith and peace), all while oftentimes mocked for crying out, owing to the excruciating pain of being amputated without anesthetic. Thankfully, with time, I later realized that I gained those things, in the process, that I didn’t even know I needed. 

I was not always joyful but was content with the way things were because I was used to the arrangements and would’ve never changed a thing (too much work, lol). Clearly, God wasn’t pleased with my resolve, he wanted more for my life, so he did the shaking. He rearranged my whole life…. my posture, my resolve, my position, my goals, my dreams, my circle, my perception, my attitude, EVERYTHING!!! The harder he shook things up, the more terrified I became, as I watched those pieces of my life, that I thought were already perfectly placed, and needed no adjusting, flying around, falling off, or looking so unbelievably different from other angles. I was seeing all the sides, the raw edges, the nakedness of it all, the unedited versions of situations, people, places and things. I felt cursed, but it was all necessary for my growth. For the first time, I saw the unadulterated truth because I asked God to let me see things through his eyes. It was an eye-opening encounter, for me, as it was for blind Bartimaeus. You see, the thing is that no matter how long you’ve been blinded by fears, circumstances, or whatever, once your eyes have been opened, you can’t unsee what you already have, be it good or bad. Your soul will remember it! 

Today, I rejoice for those things I’ve seen, heard, felt, and ultimately, learned. My heart now knows I needed that. My soul now fears no evil, and my mind has now proven that God gives perfect peace. Today, I feel more blessed than I’ve ever been. I feel courageous, strong, confident, reassured, affirmed, wise, loved, proud, hopeful. I’m dreaming again, living again, breathing again, my heart is beating again, I am learning how to love again, celebrate again, dance again, in more deliberate ways and I wouldn’t change a thing. I became more blessed in letting go than I was holding on. Don’t allow your memories of the pain to overshadow or undermine all the invaluable benefits and successes you’ve had after. Your battle scars should only serve as reminders of your victories, not monuments of horror. If that loss lifted you higher, propelled you farther, made you wiser, and built those emotional & spiritual muscles, you really never lost. You gained and I am truly proud of you for becoming!!!🤗💪

-Sarah

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